Police Jokes

Gunshot Call

A police officer responding to a gunshot call called his police chief.

Officer - "We have an old lady here who shot her husband for walking on the floor after she just mopped it"

Chief - "Have you arrested her?"

Officer - "No, not yet. The floor's still wet"

Traffic Stop

Gunshot Call

An officer pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. The officer said, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really annoyed and replies, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Blonde

Gunshot Call

Blonde

A blonde gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the officer arrives, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

Child

Little Johnny

Blonde

Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Little Johnny

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to an officer and said, "I've lost my dad!" The officer said, "What's he like?" Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

Speeding on the Highway

A woman driver is speeding along the highway, when she is suddenly stopped by an officer.

Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"

Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."

Woman: "Oh, I see."

Officer: "Can I see your license please?"

Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

Officer: "Don't have one?"

Woman: "I lost it 4 times for drunk driving."

Officer: "I see...Can I see your vehicle registration please."

Woman: "I can't do that."

Officer: "Why not?"

Woman: "I stole this car."

Officer: "Stole it?"

Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."

Officer: "You what?"

Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see." The officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 officers circle the car with guns drawn.

Sergeant: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: "Is there a problem sir?"

Sergeant: "My officer told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner."

Woman: "Murdered the owner?"

Sergeant: "Yes, could you open the trunk of your car?" The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Sergeant: "Is this your car, ma'am?"

Woman: "Yes, here is the registration." The first officer is stunned.

Sergeant: "My officer said that you didn't have a driver's license." The woman digs into her handbag, pulls out her license, and hands it to the Sergeant. The Sergeant examined the license with a puzzled look.

Sergeant: "Thank you ma'am, my officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."

Woman: "I bet he will say I was speeding too."